Maria Shriver Is Credited With Helping Arnold

John Kerry Announced His Plan For How To Handle Those Poor Naked Prisoners. His Wife Is Going To Buy Them All A $1,000 Armani Suit.

John Kerry Will Be The Democratic Nominee For President. Democrats Finally Found Someone Who Is Al Gore Without The Flash And The Sizzle.

Ironically, The Possibility That The President Dodged His Military Service Has Increased His Approval Ratings With Democrats By 80 Percent.

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.

As John Kerry Sails Toward The Democratic Nomination, New Questions Are Emerging About President Bush's Service In The National Guard, Like Where He Was For Six Months In 1972 And Why He Refused To Take A Routine Physical. President Bush Has Vowed To Get To The Bottom Of This Right After Election Day.