Lord, Let Me Live Until I Die.

The Only Way You Can Beat The Lawyers Is To Die With Nothing.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

The Difference Between A Republican And A Democrat Is That The Democrat Is A Cannibal, They Live Off Each Other, While The Republicans Live Off The Democrats.