Look, I Can't Go Out With You,

I Said, "do You Think She Thinks It's Me?" Jas Said, "well, It's Pretty Conclusive, Isn't It? She Said 'the Most Sniveling Idiot I Have Ever Come Across.'" I Said, "i Didn't Know That You Have Been Seeing Masimo. Tom The Slug King Is Going To Be Very Upset.

And A Secret Inward Voice In My Head Was Saying (in A Strange Breathy Voice...) Yes, Yessss, I Will Pop Round To The Blind Pig. I Will 'pop' Round Because Guess Who Lives At The Blind Pig? It Is Not A Blind Pig, It Is Alex.

My Cousin Georgia Says That Boys Are Like Gazelles. She Says The Get Alarmed When They Get Close To Girls. And They Have To Leap Off Into The Woods Like Gazelles In Trousers. Or Have I Just Made That Up?

I Don't Want To Be Rude To The Afflicted But Uncle Eddie Is Bald In A Way Which Is The Baldest I Have Ever Seen.

I Am Going To Keep My Mind (well, What's Left Of It) Occupied By Doing (and I Never Thought The Day Would Come When I Would Say This) My Homework.