Life Is Full Of Horrible Mistakes.

I'd Love To Have A Shitty Job. I Couldn't Hold Any Down. Standup Was The Only Thing I Could Stick With. I'm An Idiot That Way.

If You Have Something To Say, Here's What You Do: You Write It Down On A Piece Of Paper, You Go Out In The Lobby, And Then You Go Home And You Kill Yourself.

Some Entertainers Don't Pay Attention To What's Going On Around Them.

If You're A Woman And A Guy's Ever Said Anything Romantic To You, He Just Left Off The Second Part That Would Have Made You Sick If You Could Have Heard It.

Rob Mcelhenney Who Runs 'it's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.' That Show Absolutely Kills Me And I Am Stunned By The Consistency Of Greatness It Has Maintained Over What Is Now A Record Breaking Amount Of Seasons ... How Do You Do That For So Many Years? My 14-year-old Daughter And I Watch It Together And We Both Laugh Crazy Hard.