Leno, Conan. They Are Both Really Funny.

The U.s. Government Is Selling $30 Billion Worth Of Fighter Jets To Saudi Arabia. Yeah, It's Part Of A New Initiative Called, 'operation Regret This In Five Years.'

Sources Say The Obama Administration Is In The 'final Stages' Of Planning The Closing Of Guantanamo Bay. The Way It's Gonna Work Is, They're Going To Put A Radio Shack Sign Out Front And Let Nature Take Its Course.

I Got Every Dan Shaughnessy Book Known To Man.

I'm So Excited. Jay Leno Is On The Show Tonight. He Brought Some Really Funny Jokes And Some Great Stories. Although I'm A Little Concerned He Also Brought His Old Desk And Kevin Eubanks. I Just Want Jay To Be Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable.

Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg Apparently Called President Obama Directly To Complain About Nsa And How It Spies On Ordinary Americans. That's Right, The Guy Who Runs Facebook Got Mad At The Nsa For Spying On People. Talk About The Pot Unfriending The Kettle!