Laugh Every Day As Much As You

I Always Was A Writer, But Then I Wanted To Do Stand-up Because I Thought That Was A Way That I Could Perform What I Wrote.

I Actually Get More Conservative When I'm In Vegas.

There Is No Scarier Chasm Of Darkness Than The Human Mind.

I Hate Every Human Being On Earth. I Feel That Everyone Is Beneath Me, And I Feel They Should All Worship Me. That's What I Told My Kids.

I'm Fat And Proud Of It. If Someone Asks Me How My Diet Is Going, I Say 'fine - How Was Your Lobotomy?'