Killing You Is Not The Worst Thing

I Try To Leave Some Space In My Mind For Things To Surprise Me Or Change My Mind, I Think That's Important.

Fine," He Says. "then I Love You.

Sometimes I See Him As Just Another Person, And Sometimes I Feel The Sight Of Him In My Gut, Like A Deep Ache.

I Love You," I Say. I Said That Once, Before I Went To Erudite Headquarters, But He Was Asleep Then. I Don't Know Why I Didn't Say It When He Could Hear It. Maybe I Was Afraid To Trust Him With Something So Personal As My Devotion. Or Afraid That I Did Not Know What It Was To Love Someone. But Now I Think The Scary Thing Was Not Saying It Before It Was Too Late. Not Saying It Before It Was Almost Too Late For Me.

I Also Don't Believe That Whatever Come After Life Depends On My Correctly Reciting A List Of My Transgressions-that Sounds Too Much Like An Erudite Afterlife To Me, All Accuracy And No Feeling.