John Kerry Said Today That He Wants

For Some Reason, The Secret Service Revealed This, That Sarah Palin's Secret Service Code Name Is 'denali.' Turns Out 'denali' Is An Old Eskimo Name That Means 'dan Quayle.'

You See The Pictures In The Paper Today Of John Kerry Windsurfing? He's At His Home In Nantucket This Week, Doing His Favorite Thing, Windsurfing. Even His Hobby Depends On Which Way The Wind Blows.

Ashcroft Went On To Say That Our Way Of Life Is Being Threatened By A Group Of Radical Religious Fanatics Who Are Armed And Dangerous. And Then He Called For Prayers In The Schools And An End To Gun Control.

The Other Day The Plane That Barack Obama Was On Had Some Mechanical Difficulties And Was Forced To Land. Well, The National Transportation Safety Board Did An Inspection On The Plane, And You Know What They Found? The Bolts On The Plane Were Fine, But Apparently Jesse Jackson Had Taken Some Of The Nuts Off.

Mitt Romney Is Coming Under Fire Because Even Though He Is A Multimillionaire, He Only Paid 15 Percent In Taxes. That's Not A Tax, That's Barely A Tip.