John Kerry Said Today That He Wants

The Healthcare Reform Bill Now Includes A Tanning Booth Tax Of 10 Percent. You Know What This Means? This Whole Thing Could Be Funded By The Cast Of 'jersey Shore.'

The Longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, Found Guilty Just A Few Hours Ago On All Charges In His Corruption Trial. Do You Know This Story? He Failed To Report He Had Some Work Done On His House. Yeah, Here's The Bad Part. You Know Who Did The Work? Joe The Plumber. Unlicensed.

The New York Times Is Reporting That Back In The '60s, Presidential Candidate Howard Dean Used A Letter From A Doctor About A Back Condition To Keep Himself Out Of The Draft In Vietnam And Then Spent 10 Months Skiing. Well It Sounds Like He's Done The Impossible. He Actually Made Bill Clinton And George Bush Look Like War Heroes.

According To The Washington Post, The Nsa Has Been Monitoring Phone Calls And Emails Of People In Mexico. So Apparently It's Not Enough To Spy On American Citizens, They Feel They Have To Spy On Future American Citizens As Well.

Britney Spears Told An Interviewer If She Weren't Famous, She Would Be A Teacher. So Thank God She's Famous.