I've Really Never Written About My Relationships,

A Lot Of Readers Have Actually Helped Me, Been Really Sweet To Me... So Maybe My Cry For Help Has Sometimes Been Answered.

I Wondered Where The Person Was Who Had Taken My Place, Who Wanted To Know What News People Had Been Told. I'm Always Looking For The Person Who Replaces Me, Who Thinks The Things I Do, Who Fills In For Me When I'm Not There. I Know There Is Someone Younger Than Me Doing What I Did And Someone Older Doing What I Will Do, And Someone My Age Being Just Like Me.

Nothing Wrong With Changing Your Mind. That's A Very Unwaffling Thing To Say: "nothing Wrong..." Who Am I To Say That There's Nothing Wrong With It? Maybe Something Is Wrong With Changing Your Mind. Anyway, Love Is Very, Very Difficult. I Love. But Probably Because I Hate Myself On Some Deep, Sick Level, It Makes Loving Difficult. But I Do Try.

From Age 23 To 44 - I'm 45 Now - I Was Always In Need Of Money, And I Was Especially In Need Of It From 23 To About 34, And My Great Aunt Would Always Give Me Money, A Hundred Bucks, Every Two Months Or So, And A Lot Of Times That Hundred Bucks Made A Huge Difference - I Could Eat Or Pay A Small Bill. It Kept Me Going. She Gave Me Money. It Was Very Loving.

How Terrible To Be Alcoholic. You Just Want To Quietly Soothe And Maybe Poison Yourself, But You End Up Poisoning Those Around You As Well, Like Trying To Commit Suicide With A Gas Oven And Unwittingly Murdering Your Neighbors.