I've Lost Some Weight. I Am On

Valentines Day Are Coming Up And A German Company Has Made Chokolate In Shapes Of Couples Making Love. I Don't Like Them... I Don't Want My Chokolate To Have More Fun Than Me.

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.

Well, It Looks Like We've Moved A Step Closer To War. Not With Iraq. With France And Germany. How Did We Screw That One Up?

This Is My Favorite Story Of The Week. The Republican National Committee Is In Trouble After Spending Nearly $2,000 At A Bondage Club In Hollywood. You Know What I Call A Republican Who Spends A Lot Of Money In A Strip Club? A Democrat.

More And More Facts Coming Out About Osama Bin Laden. You Know, He Never Sleeps In The Same Place Two Nights In A Row, Just Like Clinton.