I've Got The Kid. I Feel A

Alright, Remember, Alcohol Equals Puke Equals Smelly Mess Equals Nobody Likes You.

My Hobbies Are Run-on Sentences.

I Choose To Ignore Hell In My Life. When I Was A Little Kid I Asked My Dad "am I Going To Go To Hell?" Because I'd Heard About Hell. And He Said, "nothing You're Gonna Do Will Get You Into Hell." And So I Got To Ignore It.

Hanukkah Is...the Festival Of Lights, Instead Of One Day Of Presents, We Get Eight Crazy Nights

I Mean, I Look At My Dad. He Was Twenty When He Started Having A Family, And He Was Always The Coolest Dad. He Did Everything For His Kids, And He Never Made Us Feel Like He Was Pressured. I Know That It Must Be A Great Feeling To Be A Guy Like That.