I've Belched A Lot More Since I

To Be Thin And To Stay Really Thin, Sometimes Some People Literally Do Coke All The Time. Some People Smoke Cigarettes Instead Of Eating. That's Crazy. But That's 'okay' Because You Look Healthier.

I Was Born Fat And Have Always Been, Which Was Just Fine And Even Healthy And Cute Until I Turned Ten Or So. Puberty Hit Like A Hurricane And Brought A New Set Of Rules. All Of A Sudden It Was My Fault I Was Chubby.

I Said To My Teacher, 'i Can't Be A Singer Because I'm Not Pretty Enough, And I'm Fat.' And She Looked At Me And Said, 'tell That To Nell Carter, Babe.' That Changed My Life Forever!

I Love Adele So Much And It's Honestly Not Because We're Both Big.

In Moments When I Question If I Should Be Having Kids, I Think Of All Those Phone Calls From My Sister-in-law, In Which, 3,000 Miles Away, I Hear My Nephews Screaming For Her Attention. I Tell Her I Have To Go Because I Am Packing To Leave For Europe, And Her Tone Flatlines: "that Must Be Nice."