It's Nice When People Love You....for You.

All Of My Friends Were Seeing A Therapist, And I Thought Something Was Wrong With Me That I Didn't See A Therapist. So I Went To A Therapist To Find Out Why I Wasn't Seeing A Therapist. And It Turns Out I'm Very Screwed Up. Thank God I Found A Therapist To Tell Me For $125 An Hour.

I Ask People Why They Have Deer Heads On Their Walls. They Always Say Because It's Such A Beautiful Animal. There You Go. I Think My Mother Is Attractive, But I Have Photographs Of Her.

You're Never Too Old To Play. You're Only Too Old For Low-rise Jeans.

I'm On The Patch Right Now. Where It Releases Small Dosages Of Approval Until I No Longer Crave It, And Then I'm Gonna Rip It Off.

People Are Constantly Asking Portia And Me If We Are Going To Have Children. We Thought About It. We Love To Be Around Children After They've Been Fed And Bathed. But We Ultimately Decided That We Don't Want Children Of Our Own. There Is Far Too Much Glass In Our House.