It's Kind Of Awkward To Eat Alone

People Come Back From Flights And Tell You A Story Like It's A Horror Story. That's How Bad They Make It Sound. They're Like, 'it Was The Worst Day Of My Life. We Didn't Board For 20 Minutes And They Made Us Sit There On The Runway For 40 Minutes.' Oh Really? What Happened Next? Did You Fly In The Air, Incredibly, Like A Bird? Did You Partake In The Miracle Of Human Flight You Non-contributing Zero?'

People Are Too Afraid Of Uptown. A Lot Of People Will Tell You, Like, "don't Go To Harlem. You Can Never Go There. 'cause As Soon As You Get There, They Kill You." That's What People Think. As Soon As You Arrive In Harlem, Someone Just Stabs You In The Face Right Away. That's People's Image Of Harlem: Just Everyone Standing Around Waiting For Lost White People To Kill All Day. "did You See Any? I Didn't Either."

One Time I Was At A Swimming Pool With My Kids, A Public Pool. I Had My Daughter, My Six Year Old, On My Arm Like This. She Was Like Clamped On, And She's Kicking. ... And Then She Got Off And Another Random Child Just Clamped On. It's Like A Rat. "get Off Of Me." "but I Love You." "i Don't Know You, Kid."

There's Nowhere I Won't Go. As Long As It's Horribly, Horribly True And/or Wrong.

Dating Is Horrible, It's Awful. I Don't Get It. It's Like You're Standing There: 'hi. Do You Want To Have Sex And Later Wish You Hadn't?' It's Horrible. And It's Awkward At 42 Because I Don't Have The Body Or The Drive. I Just Sit In The Car And Hope Somebody Gets In.