It's Just A Matter Of Time Before

The Secret Service Has Announced It Is Doubling Its Protection For John Kerry. You Can Understand Why - With Two Positions On Every Issue, He Has Twice As Many People Mad At Him.

Ashcroft Went On To Say That Our Way Of Life Is Being Threatened By A Group Of Radical Religious Fanatics Who Are Armed And Dangerous. And Then He Called For Prayers In The Schools And An End To Gun Control.

British Scientists Say They Have Developed A Super Broccoli That Can Help Fight Heart Disease. You Know, If You Want To Fight Heart Disease, Why Don't You Come Up With A Food People Will Actually Eat? Like A Super Glazed Doughnut.

President Bush Went Out Touting His Economic Record In Ohio Last Week. Now This Is A State That Lost 225,000 Jobs Since Bush Took Office. You Know, If Bush Wants To Tout His Record, He Should Do It Somewhere Where The Bush Economy Has Actually Created Jobs, Like India, Or Thailand, Or China.

The Economy Is So Bad That Bedbugs Are Now Infesting Sleeping Bags And Tents, Because They Can't Afford To Stay In Hotels Anymore.