It's Just A Matter Of Time Before

Postal Inspectors Have Been Given Advanced Warning That Publishers Clearinghouse Is Sending Packets Of Laundry Detergent That Could Be Mistaken For Anthrax. Oh, Good Timing. What Genius Came Up With This Promotion? What's Next - A Ticking Alarm Clock? Let's Put That In A Box.

Republican Presidential Hopeful Mike Hucka-bs Is Attacking Actress Natalie Portman For Getting Pregnant Without Being Married. It Could Get A Little Awkward If He Runs Into Sarah And Bristol Palin At Fox News.

President Bush And Bill Clinton Both Agree That Cloning Is Morally Wrong. Clinton Said That He Thinks Humans Should Be Made The Old-fashioned Way - Liquored Up In A Cheap Hotel Room.

Some Sad News, President Bush's Lapdog Passed Away. Gee, I Didn't Even Know Tony Blair Was Sick?

President Bush Demanded That Kerry Apologize. Can You Imagine That -- Bush Demanding An Apology For Someone Stumbling Over His Words? ... Kerry Should Have Tried The Bush Strategy: Say So Many Stupid Things, No One Cares Anymore.