It's A Shame Cars Don't Run On

I Like Indoor Christmas Trees. And I Like People Who Decorate Their Homes With Lights And All That Crap. I Think It's A Healthy Outlet For Them. If They Weren't Covering Their Lawns With Twinkling Lights, They'd Be Doing Something That Was Really, Really Creepy.

A Father And Two Sons Run Adelphia. It's A Cable Company. And They Took From That Company A Billion Dollars. A Billion. Three People - Three People Took A Billion Dollars. What Were They Gonna Do, Start Their Own Space Program? 'let's Send The Monkey To Mars, Dad!'

[the Weather Channel] Is The Most Watched Cable Channel In America. I'll Repeat That. It Is The Most Watched Cable Channel In America. They Were Worried About The Terrorists Immobilizing Us, And A Portion Of Our Countrymen Watch Weather. 'kay, You Don't Get Any More Immobile Than That... Unless You're In A Goddamn Coma. That Means You're Saying, "i'd Go To The Window, But It's Too Far." If You Want To Know What The Weather Is You Go To A Window And Stick Your Hand Out And If You Want To Know What The Temperature Is You Drive By A Bank.

The Last Person To Get Across That Town In Under Three Hours Was Yelling "the British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!"

Everybody's Got Cable.