It Was As Relaxing As Being Tickled.

I Was Reading The Mirror The Other Day And Came Across A Letter From A Reader Who Wrote, 'i Was Riding My Bike To Work When This Red Ferrari Pulled Up Next To Me. Out Of The Window, Jeremy Clarkson Shouted 'get A Car', And Drove Off.' What I Actually Said Was, 'get A Car You Hatchet Faced, Leaf-eating Tw*t

The Problem Is That Television Executives Have Got It Into Their Heads That If One Presenter On A Show Is A Blonde-haired, Blue-eyed Heterosexual Boy, The Other Must Be A Black Muslim Lesbian.

No, No, No. There's No Such Thing As Cheap And Cheerful. It's Cheap And Nasty & Expensive And Cheerful.

If We Build Three Million New Houses By 2020, Where Will We Grow All The Stuff Needed To Feed The People Who Live In Them?

She Can Take A Year To Read Something, Whereas I Like A Book That Becomes More Important In My Life That Life Itself. When I Was In The Middle Of 'red Storm Rising' By Tom Clancy - Which Was Not Selected For The Man Booker Shortlist - You Could Have Taken My Liver Out And Fed It To The Dog. And I Wouldn't Have Noticed.