It Turns Out That President Obama Has

A Lot Of Issues Were On The Ballots. In New York City There Was Proposition 14. That Would Put A Ceiling On The Number Of Late-night Talk Shows. And California Passed Proposition 21. That Would Change Guacamole Officially To Guac.

At The White House, They Caught Another Fence Jumper Earlier Today. It Was Obama Trying To Get Out.

An Old Interview Of Arnold Schwartzenegger Has Surfaced Where He Admits To Smoking A Lot Of Pot And Having Sex With Hookers. Finally A Republican All Californians Can Get Behind.

Hillary Clinton, Our Junior Senator From New York, Announced That She Has No Intentions Of Ever, Ever Running For Office Of The President Of The United States. Her Husband, Bill Clinton, Is Bitterly Disappointed. He Is Crushed. There Go His Dreams Of Becoming A Two-impeachment Family.

That's The First Thing They Teach You In Bowling, By The Way. Don't Press The Ball Against Your Nose. The Other One Is Don't Lick The Pins.