In New York, There Are So Many

This Week A Man Was Arrested For Jumping Over The White House Fence And Trying To Spray Paint A Political Message. If That Guy Really Wanted To Get A Message To The President, He Could Have Just Written It In An Email To Literally Anyone.

There Are Reports That President Obama And His Family May Move To New York City After His Term Is Over. Unfortunately, The City Is So Expensive, He's Looking For Another Ex-president To Be Roommates With.

Yesterday President Obama Traveled To Jamaica, Where He Will Meet With Students And Caribbean Leaders. Jamaica's Such A Beautiful Place, Obama Says He Can't Wait To Just Take It All In, Hold It For Several Seconds, And Then Exhale.

Donald Trump's Not Backing Down. Yesterday He Said He Doesn't Need To Be Lectured By The Other Republican Candidates, Who He Says Have No Business Running For President. Not To Be Confused With Donald Trump, Who Ran For President And Now Has No Business.

The Illinois Senate Passed A Bill On Wednesday To Legalize Medical Marijuana. The Bill Was Passed After The State Senator Said, 'come On, Dude, Pass It. Come On.'