In Louisiana, President Bush Met With Over

Declassified Papers Report That John Kennedy Was Taking Eight Different Medications A Day. He Was So Wasted, His Secret Service Code Name Was Ted Kennedy.

Bryant Gumbel Is Thrilled About His Cbs Deal And Can't Wait To Start Alienating The Staff Of An Entirely New Network.

As Fighting In Iraq Intensifies, President Bush Delivered His Supplemental War Budget To Congress. The Money Will Cover 30 Days Of Fighting, Then We'll Be Sent One War Every Other Month Until We Cancel Our Subscription.

Apparently, Six Women Claim That Arnold Schwarzenegger Groped Them While Working On His Movies. Hats Off To These Women Who Admit They Worked On Arnold's Movies.

Today, John Kerry Announced A Fool-proof Plan To Wipe Out The $500b Deficit. John Kerry Has A Plan, He's Going To Put It On His Wife's Gold Card.