In Just A Few Minutes, My Son

Privately I Think That I'm Not Really Somebody Who Has A Network Television Show. Celebrities Are Other People - Johnny Carson And Sylvester Stallone. I'm Just A Kid Trying To Make A Living Is The Way I Feel.

Somebody Threw A Book At President Obama. If You're Trying To Scare A President By Throwing A Book At Him, You're One President Too Late.

Apparently, There's Something Hinky About The New Iphones. They're Not Hooked Up Right. ... There's A Problem With The Antenna. They Don't Like To Be Held - Like My Ex-wife.

Thanksgiving Is The Day When You Turn To Another Family Member And Say, 'how Long Has Mom Been Drinking Like This?' My Mom, After Six Bloody Marys Looks At The Turkey And Goes, 'here, Kitty, Kitty.'

Honey, What Happened To "ladies First"? Husband Replies, "that's The Reason Why The Worlds A Mess Today, Because A Lady Went First!"