In Celebration Of Mother's Day Yesterday, President

Honestly, I Just Want To Keep People Awake. Or At Least Give You One Joke To Go To Bed With.

Tomorrow President Obama Will Host Nascar Racing Champion Kevin Harvick At The White House. They Both Said They Look Forward To Spending An Hour Or Two Not Having The Slightest Interest In What The Other Is Saying.

Thank You... Fat Dude With Giant Headphones On The Subway, For Looking Like What Would've Happened If Jabba The Hutt Mated With Princess Leia.

It Was A Great Olympics - Team Usa Finished The Games With 17 More Medals Than China. China Said It Was Tough To Swallow - Especially When They Had To Make All Of Our "we're #1" T-shirts.

Researchers Here In New York Created A Robot That Actually Passed A Self-awareness Test. So If You're Keeping Score, That's Robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.