In America, We Know To Ignore Artists

I Just Think Rosa Parks Was Overrated. Last Time I Checked, She Got Famous For Breaking The Law.

Every Night On My Show, The Colbert Report, I Speak Straight From The Gut, Okay? I Give People The Truth, Unfiltered By Rational Argument. I Call It "the No Fact Zone.

I'm Just Very Interested In What My Guests Have To Say. You Have To Be Vigilant To Stay Ignorant.

Can Accidentally Eating Halal Food Make You Muslim? Yes, The Same Way Drinking A Cosmo Can Make You Gay.

And We Didn't Have Cell Phones. If You Made Plans To Meet Someone In A Snow Storm, And They Didn't Show Up, You Just Had To Assume They Were Devoured By Wolves And Go On With Your Life.