I'm So Excited. Jay Leno Is On

After Michael Jordan Recently Criticized President Obama's Golf Game, Obama Responded By Saying That Jordan Should Spend More Time Thinking About His Basketball Team, The Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan Said, 'do You Really Want To Talk About Whose Team Got Crushed This Week?'

Ohio Governor John Kasich Became The 16th Republican To Announce That He Is Running For President. During His Speech He Referred To Jesus Christ, Which Is Ironic Because So Did Americans When They Heard Another Republican Was Running For President.

During The Cpac Conference, Rand Paul Told The Crowd It Was Time For A New President And That People Need To Help Make The Change. Of Course, Most People Agreed With Him, Since That's How Term Limits Work.

An Internet Rumor Claims That John Kerry Had An Affair With A Young Woman. When Asked If This Was Similar To The Clinton-lewinsky Scandal, A Spokesman Said 'close, But No Cigar.'

There Are Reports That If Joe Biden Runs For President, He Would Promise To Serve For Only One Term - Because Nothing Says Confidence Like Promising Your Presidency Would Be Over Quickly.