I'm On Every Worst-dressed List Imaginable.

I Have A No-apology Policy. No Apologies For Jokes. I Apologize In My Real Life All The Time. I Say Ridiculous Things, I Make Mistakes Constantly. But When I'm On Stage, I'm At A Microphone It's A Joke!

I'm Always Listening And Watching; My Ear Is Like A Boom Mike. And Judging, Frankly. Constantly Judging.

Why Would You Want To Keep The Bluebird Houses Mounted In A Place That You Now Know Is Unsafe For Them? Bluebirds Are Not Ornaments For Pictures, They Are Living Things That Deserve Your Best Effort If You Are Going To Be A Landlord To Them. There Is No Magic Spell That Will Protect Those Bluebirds--they Have To Depend On You Or They Are Doomed.

I'm Also Doing A Special For Comedy Central Called Autobiography. It's Going To Be A Spoof Of Biography.

I'm Saying That She (whitney Houston) Looks Great For A Singer... The Way Courtney Love Is A Singer.