I'm Not Original, But I Strive Toward

Few Are More Unhappy Than Those Who Have Great Ambition, But Little Energy To Urge It Into Activity.

It's Tough To Know Who's Better In Cliff Diving. Like, You See A Guy Diving Off A Cliff And You Go, Oh, Man, A Guy Diving Off A Cliff! And Then Another Guy'd Dive- Oh, There's Another Guy Diving Off A Cliff There. But You Can't Tell Who's Better, Y'know? Like, Uh- If You Survive At All, Hey, You're A Great- You're A Great Cliff Diver There. There's Only Two Classifications In Cliffdiving. There's, Uh- 'grand Champion' And Then, Uh- 'stuff On A Rock.' Very Hard To Make A Comeback In That Sport, I'll Tell You That.

Stand-up Has The Best Writers, Because It's The Hardest Writing By A Million Miles.

The Young Compliment Their Greatness On The Number Of Their Friends; The Old, On The Confidence Of Them.

If You're Looking For The Suspect In A Suicide Bombing, Here's A Clue: Look For The Dead Guy.