I'm Not A Big Birthday Guy; I

I Don't Care Who Wins Because I Go To Sporting Events To Scream. It's The One Place On The Planet You Can Shout Anything You Want. You Can Bellow At Will, And Nobody Will Bother You. I Yell Things Like, 'my Life Sucks! Dan Quayle Is A Schmuck! If I Don't Have Sex Soon, I'm Going To Explode!' Parents Turn To Their Kids As I Leave The Stadium And Go, 'hey, There Goes A Great Fan.

Mother Teresa Had A Mustache. Hitler Had A Mustache. Mother Teresa Is Hitler.

I Don't Tweet A Lot Because I've Tweeted Things That I Thought Were Really Innocuous About Subjects That Are Inflammatory, And The Response Is So Insane Sometimes From People.

Socialism Appeals To Me. It's Like Imposed Christianity. You've Got To Share.

Whenever Someone Says They Believe The Earth Was Created In 7 Days, I Grab A Fossil And Say, Fossil. And If They Keep Talking, I Throw It Just Over Their Heads.