I'm Not A Big Baseball Fan, To

Jeb Bush Gave A Speech Yesterday. He Had A Pretty Rough Time. He Accidentally Said That Isis Has 200,000 Men Instead Of 20,000, And Then He Mispronounced The Name Of The Terrorist Group Boko Haram. So If History Has Taught Us Anything, Jeb Is Well On His Way To Winning The White House.

It's Something I Worry About When I'm Working Out. I Don't Want To Get Too Fit. Because I Don't Want The New Davinci Of This Millennium To Say, "you. I Have Found My Muse. I Have To Sculpt You."

Today Google Celebrated Its 13th Anniversary.... That's Right, Google Turned 13 Years Old. Which Explains Why Today When I Searched For Something, Google Was Just Like, "i Don't Know. Stop Asking Me Questions! I'm Going Upstairs.

Thank You... 'real Housewives Of Atlanta,' For Demonstrating A Universal Truth: Idiots Like Me Will Always Watch Idiots Like You Fight On Tv. You Will Forever Be In My Tivo.

Republican Candidate Ben Carson Told Reporters He Thinks American Prisons Might Be Too Comfortable. As Opposed To Mexican Prisons That Have Personal Showers With $5 Million Escape Tunnels.