I'm Not A Big Baseball Fan, To

I Read That As Marijuana Legalization Becomes More Popular, It Could Affect The Jobs Of Drug-sniffing Dogs. Or As Those Dogs Put It, 'thanks, Bo Obama.'

President Obama Had Beer With Four Unemployed Construction Workers. And Obama Asked The Guys What Was It Like To Lose Their Jobs, And They Were Like, 'oh, You'll See.'

Hillary Clinton Was Actually Inducted Into The Irish American Hall Of Fame Yesterday. Hillary Said She's Very Proud Of Her Irish Heritage Or Her Italian Heritage Or Her Asian Heritage. Whatever It Takes To Seal The Deal With You Guys. I've Got To Get Into That Oval Office.

Officials At The London Olympics Will Be Conducting 5,000 Tests For Steroids. Or As Lance Armstrong Calls That, 'a Monday.'

Arizona Senator John Mccain Announced That He Plans On Running For A Sixth Term Because He Is Concerned About The Nation's Security. He Plans To Help Just Like Any Other 80-year-old: By Sitting On His Porch With A Police Scanner.