I'm Like An Elephant, Ok? If I

I Was 18 When I Started. I Was Hanging Out With Some Friends And They Asked If I Had Tried Stand-up Before. I Hadn't, But I Thought: 'what The Hell?' So I Went To An Open Mic Night, And I Liked It.

If You Believe That Men And Women Have Equal Rights, If Someone Asks If You're Feminist, You Have To Say Yes Because That Is How Words Work.

You Don't Know Jay-z's Scedule. He's A Renaissance Man.

So Many Gay Jokes Tonight About (james) Franco. Apparently If You're Clean, Well Dressed And Mildly Cultured, You're Super Gay Now. Is That Why The Rest Of You Guys Are So Aggressively Fat And Dirty? You Think If You Read One Book And Take A Shower, Dicks Are Going To Just Fly Into Your Face.

Do You Realize How Much Better The World Would Be If We All Just Treated Each Other The Same Way Black Dudes Treat Magicians?