I'm Gonna Enjoy Being Old I Think

Saudia Arabia Takes In Half A Trillion Dollars Every Year In Oil Revenue, And The Country Has A Population Smaller Than New York State, But When Your System Of Government Is An Eleventh Century Monarchy, Someone's Going To End Up Poor, And It's Not Gonna Be The Guy Whose First Name Is King.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. If You Don't Know What That Means, Maybe You're A Little Out Of Touch - Or Maybe You're The Governor Of Arizona.

Valentine's Day Is Celebrated A Little Differently Here In L.a. Nobody Eats Chocolate Because Of The Calories, So People Give Each Other Tofu-shaped Boxes Filled With Bean Curd. Then They Fantasize About What Their Pilates Instructor Would Be Like If He Was Straight.

I'm Not So Much A Dragon Slayer, More A Dragon Annoyer -- I'm A Dragon Irritater.

At Cbs, I’m In Your House. I’m Mindful Of That. When I Do Standup, You’re In My Home And I Can Say What I Want To.