I'm Going To North Pole To Help

A Peacock Escaped From The Central Park Zoo And Wandered Around The City. Either That Or I Just Saw A Pigeon On His Way To A Gay Pride Parade.

This Week, A 95-year-old Woman Married A 98-year-old Man To Become The World's Oldest Newlyweds. They're Registered At Bed, Sponge Bath And Beyond.

Rand Paul Is Officially Running For President. He Even Revealed His Campaign Slogan, Which Is 'defeat The Washington Machine. Unleash The American Dream.' It's Hard To Tell If He's Running For President Or Doing An Infomercial For Bowflex.

John Mccain Addressed Critics Who Believe He Will Be Too Old To Run For A Sixth Term In The Senate, Saying That He's Still Healthy And Ready To Go. Then People Around Mccain Said, 'why Is He Talking To That Mannequin?'

The White House Is Worried About Joe Biden's Potential Run For President, And A Source Says They Fear That It Wouldn't Have The Right Outcome. That's Right, They Think He Might Win.