I'm Going To North Pole To Help

As You Can Imagine, With Hillary Clinton Being Here, Security Is Very Tight. The Secret Service Has Been Here All Day Sweeping The Halls, The Offices, The Hard Drives... It's Tight.

Lincoln Chafee, Former Governor Of Rhode Island, Announced He's Running For President. Before He Announced He's Running, His Wife Went On Facebook And Asked His Staff If They Remembered His Password. Because If A Facebook Password Is Too Hard To Remember, The Launch Codes For The Nukes Should Be A Piece Of Cake.

Rand Paul Is Officially Running For President. He Even Revealed His Campaign Slogan, Which Is 'defeat The Washington Machine. Unleash The American Dream.' It's Hard To Tell If He's Running For President Or Doing An Infomercial For Bowflex.

Hillary Clinton Is Receiving Criticism After Telling A Crowd To 'unlock Their Full Potential,' Because That Line Is Commonly Used By Another Possible Candidate, Carly Fiorina. People Said, 'you Can't Just Steal Someone's Slogan Like That!' And Hillary Said, 'yes We Can!'

I Had A Gun And I Had To Run And Shoot, Which Is Not Easy.