I'm A Selfish, Little Pig Of A

Democrats Should Be Focused On Which Way We Can Help The Most People In This Country, And Republicans Should Be Focused On How To Do That In The Most Fiscally Responsible Manner Possible.

Wow, You Survived A Blackout. You're Made Of Stronger Stuff Than Ice Cream.

I've Been Very Lucky. There Are Guys I Know Who Are Really Terrific In This Business Of Stand-up Who Have Not Gotten The Recognition They Deserve. And It's Nice, If You've Put In The Time, To Achieve That Recognition.

I Knew That I'd Lived In New York Too Long When, A Few Years Ago, I Was On A Subway Going Downtown, And It Stopped At 14th Street. At The Station, The Doors Opened, And The Conductor Announced That There Was A Bomb On Board And We Should Evacuate Immediately. Nobody Moved. We Just Looked At Each Other, 'do You See A Bomb?' 'i Don't See A Bomb.' 'there's No Bomb.' 'i've Only Got Two Stops - Let's Go For It.

If It Weren’t For My Horse, I Wouldn’t Have Spent That Year In College.