I'm A Right-wing Pundit And Have Been

Sometimes I Know The Meaning Of A Word But Am Tired Of It And Feel The Need For An Unfamiliar, Especially Precise Or Poetic Term, Perhaps One With A Nuance That Flatters My Readership's Exquisite Sensitivity.

After Eating, An Epicure Gives A Thin Smile Of Satisfaction; A Gastronome, Burping Into His Napkin, Praises The Food In A Magazine; A Gourmet, Repressing His Burp, Criticizes The Food In The Same Magazine; A Gourmand Belches Happily And Tells Everybody Where He Ate; A Glutton Empraces The White Porcelain Alter, Or More Plainly, He Barfs.

Give Your Main Clause A Little Space. Prose Is Not Like Boxing; The Skilled Writer Deliberately Telegraphs His Punch, Knowing That The Reader Wants To Take The Message Directly On The Chin.

Knowing How Things Work Is The Basis For Appreciation, And Is Thus A Source Of Civilized Delight.

To Communicate, Put Your Words In Order; Give Them A Purpose; Use Them To Persuade, To Instruct, To Discover, To Seduce.