If You're Watching A Parade, Don't Follow

I Wish My Name Was Brian Because Maybe Sometimes People Would Misspell My Name And Call Me Brain. That's Like A Free Compliment And You Don't Even Gotta Be Smart To Notice It.

I Want To Get A Vending Machine, With Fun Sized Candy Bars, And The Glass In Front Is A Magnifying Glass. You'll Be Mad, But It Will Be Too Late.

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall. If I Buy A Candy Bar At The Store, Oftentimes I Will Drop It So That Is Achieves Its Maximum Flavor Potential.

Every Book Is A Children's Book If The Kid Can Read!

I Played Golf... I Did Not Get A Hole In One, But I Did Hit A Guy. That's Way More Satisfying.