If You're A Gunfighter, You Like To

The White House Softball Team Played The Pro-marijuana Lobbyists' Team And Lost 25-3. Still No Word Yet On Which Side President Obama Played For.

Folks, Tomorrow America Will Get To Hear Those Four Words We've Been Waiting For: "former President George Bush".

A Second Homeland Security Official Has Been Arrested, A 49-year-old Guy Named Frank Figueroa, He Was Caught Exposing And Fondling Himself To A Teenage Girl In A Shopping Mall In Florida. Do You Realize? If Osama Bin Laden Was A 14-year Old Girl, We Would Have Had Him By Now. ... Who Is Going To Start Protecting Us From The Department Of Homeland Security? ... It Kind Of Makes You Long For The Good Old Wholesome Days Of The Clinton Administration.

Arnold Said This Is A Last Minute Attack By Democrats. How Did Arnold Know To Grope Only Democrats?

Ann Landers Said That You Are Addicted To Sex If You Have Sex More Than 3 Times A Day, And That You Should Seek Professional Help. I Have News For Ann Landers: The Only Way I Am Going To Get Sex 3 Times A Day Is If I Seek Professional Help.