If Your Husband Is Cheating On You

I’m Really Not Interested In Women As Victims. Look At Me, I Get The Last Laugh ‘cause I Get To Be Funny About It.

If Pregnancy Were A Book, They Would Cut The Last Two Chapters. The Beginning Is Glorious, Especially If You're Lucky Enough Not To Have Morning Sickness And If, Like Me, You've Had Small Breasts All Your Life. Suddenly They Begin To Grow, And You've Got Them, You've Really Got Them, Breasts, Darling Breasts, And When You Walk Down The Street They Bounce, Truly They Do, They Bounce Bounce Bounce.

Maintenance Is What You Have To Do Just So You Can Walk Out The Door Knowing That If You Go To The Market And Bump Into A Guy Who Once Rejected You, You Won't Have To Hide Behind A Stack Of Canned Food. I Don't Mean To Be Too Literal About This.

I Don't Want To Be Someone That You're Settling For. I Don't Want To Be Someone That Anyone Settles For. Marriage Is Hard Enough Without Bringing Such Low Expectations Into It, Isn't It?

Eat Every Meal As If It's Your Last; When The Last One Comes, You Probably Won't Be Very Hungry.