If You Haven't Heard A Good Rumour

I Am Totally, Absolutely Romantic. When I Broke Up With A Girl I Would Listen To The Most Heart-breaking Music And Make It Worse. That's What Girls Do. I Think I Am A Girl Really.

I've Never Done A Comedy Club In My Life. It's Weird Because I Don't Have The Same Background As Most Comics. I Don't Have A History Of Going Up And Only Doing Eight Minutes.

Once You Become Successful, People Know Where You Live, The Type Of House You Live In, The Kind Of Car You Drive, The Clothes You Wear, And So It Would Be Patronising To Go And Talk Like A Welder. Welding's A Mystery To Me Now. You Can't Go Back, Your Life Changes Every Day.

And Then There Was My Mate Who'd Just Been Fitted With A Brand New Hearing Aid. "it's The Best In The World", He Said. "what Type Is It?", I Asked And He Said "ten Past Twelve".

I've Always Wanted To Go To Switzerland To See What The Army Does With Those Wee Red Knives.