If You Covered A Broom Handle With

I Feel Very Very Old. My Hair Hurts. I Have Buttocks All Over My Body And I Can't Even Smoke Properly Any More. I Don't Have Lungs, I Just Have Two Poppadoms In Here.

You Can Laugh At Somebody Because They Are Innocent, And Because They Are Naive Or They Are About To Walk Into A Wall, But If Somebody's Giving You Stuff, If Somebody's Talking, Giving You Their Take On Things, What Makes You Laugh, Generally Speaking, Is Going To Be Somebody Who Is Telling It In An Angry Way.

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

I've Seen Stand Up Comedy, And After A While You Start To Notice That A Lot Of People Are Doing Things That Are Like A Lot Of Other People. There Can Be A Bit Of A Herd Mentality, And That's Obviously Less Interesting Because There's Less Going On. I'm Just Being Totally Frank With You.

When I Was Young, All The Politicians Looked Like Ancient Latin Teachers Or Greengrocers. They Were Mumbly, Stumbly Men With Their Hair Blowing In Their Eyes, Walking Into Trees, Opening The Wrong Door. They Had No Idea How To Present Themselves.