If You Can Take The Hot Lead

Part Of The Kick Of Making People Laugh Was Doing Something Different. We Were A Rare Breed - Spotting One Of Us Was Like Pinning A Space Alien, Or Abdominal Snowman. There Were Maybe A Hundred Stand-ups In The Whole Country When I Was Doing It.

If You're Going To Stop Masturbating, You Can't Taper Off. You've Got To Quit, Cold Jerky!

The American Constitution Was Not Written To Protect Criminals; It Was Written To Protect The Government From Becoming Criminals.

Satire Is Tragedy Plus Time.

Tv Is Just Advertising For Your Live Gig, So I'm Playing Whichever Show Is Gonna Get Me The Biggest Crowd.