If You Are A Hermaphrodite, It Is

Football Is American; Why Are The Romans Numering Our Bowls?!

If Our Founding Fathers Wanted Us To Care About The Rest Of The World, They Wouldn't Have Declared Their Independence From It.

I Teach Sunday School, Motherf*****.

My Brother Billy Was The Joke Teller. My Brother Jim Had A Really Sharp, Cutting Wit. And The Teller Of Long Stories, That Was My Brother Ed. As A Child, I Just Absorbed Everything They Said, And I Was Always In Competition For The Laughs.

There Is No Food Closer To My Heart Than Cheese. In Fact, According To My Doctor, It Has Nearly Filled My Aorta.