If The World Really Looks Like That

Now, More Than Ever, I Realize Just How Illusory My Undeserved Success Has Been. I Still Hold Out Some Hope Of Doing Better, But Age And Unhappiness Have Sapped My Strength.

I Think Only Of My Painting, And If I Were To Drop It, I Think I'd Go Crazy.

Color Is My Day-long Obsession, Joy And Torment. To Such An Extent Indeed That One Day, Finding Myself At The Deathbed Of A Woman Who Had Been And Still Was Very Dear To Me, I Caught Myself In The Act Of Focusing On Her Temples And Automatically Analyzing The Succession Of Appropriately Graded Colors Which Death Was Imposing On Her Motionless Face.

I'm In Fine Fettle And Fired With A Desire To Paint.

I'm Going To Get Down To A Still Life On A Size 50 Canvas Of Rayfish And Dogfish With Old Fishermen's Baskets. Then I'm Going To Turn Out A Few Pictures To Send Wherever Possible, Given That Now, First And Foremost - Unfortunately - I Have To Earn Some Money.