If Presidents Can't Do It To Their

When I Was A Little Kid At Home, I Thought The Whole World Was Jewish. For Years I Thought Roosevelt Was Jewish. I Loved Him. I Thought Of Him As My Father. I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out That People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

I Was Born On The Kitchen Table. We Were So Poor My Mother Couldn't Afford To Have Me; The Lady Next Door Gave Birth To Me.

Tragedy Is When I Cut My Finger. Comedy Is When You Fall Into An Open Sewer And Die.

Anybody Can Direct, But There Are Only Eleven Good Writers.

I Only Direct In Self-defense.