If Only Opening A Vitamin Water Could

I Really Don't Care About Birthdays. It's Something Where Even As A Kid, I Never Really Felt Comfortable When Someone Would Sing To Me.

I Like To Stay In A Hotel Where It's A Dome Of Silence. I Can Sit In My Room And Do Nothing.

I Love How New York Is So Multicultural. I Wish I Was Ethnic, I'm Nothing. Because If You're Hispanic And You Get Angry, People Are Like, 'he's Got A Latin Temper!' If You're A White Guy And You Get Angry, People Are Like, 'that Guy's A Jerk.'

Isn't It Strange -- When You're Single, All You See Is Couples, And When You're Part Of A Couple, All You See Are Hookers.

I Personally Have No Interest In Being A Star Or A Celebrity. I Want My Stand-up Comedy And How I Think As A Comedian To Be Recognized And Successful.