If I Work With A Bad Actor,

I'm A Frustrated Stand-up Comic. If You Hand Me A Microphone And I Get One Laugh, Then I'll Go On For 20 Minutes.

I Didn't Know What I Knew. I Wasn't Aware Of What I Knew.

Just Because I Have Made A Point Of Never Losing My Accent It Doesn't Mean I'm An Eel-and-pie Yob.

I Must Admit, The Only Reason I Joined An Amateur Dramatic Society Is Because I Couldn't Get To Kiss Any Girls - I Was Chasing Girls All The Time - And So I Thought If I Join It, There Might Be Some Love Scenes. And There Was A Particular Girl And I Thought I Might Get To Kiss Amy. I Never Did Get To Kiss Amy But I Did Get To Kiss Elizabeth Taylor, So It Was All Right, A Lot Later.

Presenting The Oscars Was The Most Nerve-racking Job I Have Ever Done In Show Business. It's Very Much A Live Show: They Have Comedy Writers Waiting In The Wings, And As You Come Off Between Presentations, They Hand You An Appropriate Gag To Tell.