If I Were Achilles I Would Put

You Have No Control Over Your Cat! You Can't Say To Your Cat, "cat, Heel! Stay! Wait! Lie Down! Roll Over!" 'cause The Cat's Just Gonna Be Sitting There Going, "interesting Words ... Have You Finished?" While You're Shouting All This To Your Cat, Your Dog's Next To You, Going ... [mimes Obeying All Commands] "what The Hell Are You Doing? I'm Talking To The Cat!" "oh, I'm Sorry!"

If You Go Down As A Comedian's Comedian, That's Basically Meaning Other Comedians Are Hopefully Feeling That You're Doing Okay.

They Say That 'guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People.' Well I Think The Gun Helps. If You Just Stood There And Yelled Bang, I Don't Think You'd Kill Too Many People.

We Will Now Sing Forth, Hymn 405, 'oh God, What On Earth Is My Hairdo All About?

We Must Have Been Hunters And Gatherers But Some Of Us Were Just Waiters And Hopers.