If I Thought The Lord Was Speaking

Eric Holder, Our Attorney General, Says The Mr. Snowden Will Be Brought To Justice. Just As Soon As We Can Find Someone Who Can Track His Calls And Read His Emails.

Old Testament, Is Really One Of The Most Wickedest Books You'll Ever Come Across. God Is An Insecure, Rage-filled Hybrid Of Bobby Knight And Suge Knight. He's Got These Anger Issues That You Can't Believe. He's Like John Mccain If Mccain Could Fart Hail. He's Pro-slavery, He's Pro-polygamy, He's Homophobic, He'll Kill You For Masturbating.

But Isn't There Something Wrong When I'm The Only Guy In The Country That Got Fired For 9/11?

I Want You Teabaggers Out There To Understand One Thing: While You Idolize The Founding Fathers And Dress Up Like Them, And Smell Like Them, I Think It's Pretty Clear That The Founding Fathers Would Have Hated Your Guts. And What's More, You Would've Hated Them. They Were Everything You Despise. They Studied Science, Read Plato, Hung Out In Paris And Thought The Bible Was Mostly Bulls**t.

Iraq Now Says That It Will, After All, Destroy Its Missiles. President Bush Said, 'please, I Used To Pull The Same Trick. There'd Be An Intervention, I'd Make A Big Show Of Pouring Out The Liquor And Then There Was A Case Under The Floorboards.'