If I Have Kids, I'll Adopt.

You're Supposed To Have Friends You Can Tell Anything To.

I Hope The Jews Did Kill Christ, I'd Do It Again In A Second.

It's Really Stupid To Defend Your Own Jokes. That Is For Other People To Do If They Choose To.

I Don't Think Comedy Comes From Hotbeds Of Doing Shtick. I Think It Usually Comes From Some Kind Of Childhood Humiliation Or Darkness.

The First Time I Did Stand-up Was The Summer I Was 17.