If I Could Have Found What I

Two Or Three Things I Know For Sure, And One Of Them Is That If We Are Not Beautiful To Each Other, We Cannot Know Beauty In Any Form.

For Years And Years, I Convinced Myself That I Was Unbreakable, An Animal With An Animal Strength Or Something Not Human At All. Me, I Told People, I Take Damage Like A Wall, A Brick Wall That Never Falls Down, Never Feels Anything, Never Flinches Or Remembers. I Am One Woman But I Carry In My Body All The Stories I Have Ever Been Told, Women I Have Known, Women Who Have Taken Damage Until They Tell Themselves They Can Feel No Pain At All.

Hunger Makes You Restless. You Dream About Food - Not Just Any Food, But Perfect Food, The Best Food, Magical Meals, Famous And Awe-inspiring, The One Piece Of Meat, The Exact Taste Of Buttery Corn, Tomatoes So Ripe They Split And Sweeten The Air, Beans So Crisp They Snap Between The Teeth, Gravy Like Mother's Milk Singing To Your Bloodstream.

The Only Magic We Have Is What We Make In Ourselves, The Muscles We Build Up On The Inside, The Sense Of Belief We Create From Nothing.

Mama Learned To Laugh With Them, Before They Could Laugh At Her, And To Do It So Well No One Could Be Sure What She Really Thought Or Felt.