I Wouldn't Piss On Joan Crawford If

I Didn't Forget Your Breakfast. I Didn't Bring Your Breakfast. Because You Didn't Eat Your Din-din.

I Was So Uncomfortable At A Party Recently When The Conversation Droned On About Women Who Are Constantly Getting Married. I Was On The Edge Of My Chair, Close To Squirming In Embarrassment Because I Myself Was Guilty Of Four Husbands. I Finally Leaned Forward And Squeaked, 'but One Died!

The Out-of-work Actor Wears Out More Than Shoe Leather. The Very Sensibilities That Make Him An Artist Are Shattered By The Disregard He Is Shown As A Human Being.

I Have Always Felt Proud Of My Oscars And My Numerous Nominations. This Pride Is Due To The Fact It Was The Result Of Voters From The Members Of My Own Profession. This, Of Course, Is A Great Compliment For One's Work. I Hope Each Winner Of An Oscar Is As Thrilled As I Was When I Received Mine.

I May Not Have Been Wearing A Mink Coat, But I Was Traveling With A Dog. That Should Have Made You Think I Was An Actress!