I Won An Academy Award For 'the

I Heard My First Laughter On Stage, When I Was About 10 Years Old. It Was Gold Pantomime And I Remember I Was Playing Baron Fitznoodle, Who Was The Father Of The Ugly Sisters In "cinderella." And I Walked On And Got A Great Big Laugh And I Thought That Was Fantastic, Until I Looked Down And Found That My Flies Were Open. And So I Always Check My Flies. I Even Check My Flies On Radio.

I Don't Meet Stockbrokers Or Carpenters Or Coal Miners; I Spend All Day With Actors, Composers And Photographers.

I'm Doing The Next Batman. I Have To Become Obsessed About What Is Offered To Me.

It's Funny, People Ask Me, 'what Would You Consider The Most Romantic Track On Your Record Mr Caine?' And I Say 'swollen' By Bent, And They Say 'i Think He's Off His Rocker!'

Hey, I Always Say: If You Want A Quiet Life, Become A Monk.